The "D" day

ugust 13th a unforgettable day in my life. Its a day when my dream of 12 years, my aim of coming to Germany and my agonies in Germany for 6 years what not each and every minute of life that I spent here was fulfilled, has been worthy and left me satisfied to have invested this time. It has been the most unexpected, most surprising, highly tensed (naralu tegipoyentha), highly relaxing (gallo telipotunnantha) and the most happiest day....actually its not a day its just one and half hours. Ya one and half hours on august 13th (12´noon to 1´30 pm) has effected me in many ways. I was shaking with fear, I was panicking, I was thirsty, I was sweating, I was b

lank in mind, earth under my legs was falling apart, I was stubborn, I was fragile to breakdown any moment what not it was a mixture of every single emotion a human being can experience :):):):):).

Do not think that its too much of exaggeration I am saying the truth. I actually dont have words to describe most of the feelings (adedoo cinemalo raka rakaluga undi annattuuu...not in a comical sense though).

Ya the day before my defense was very hectic in its own way with the preparations. We have a tradition here in the department to arrange some snacks if the defense is after noon or lunch if it is before noon. And as my defense is at 12 and because this will be the last chance to meet all my friends and let them taste some indian food and more over nanna is here and he would feel good sharing our food with my colleagues I thought of arranging Indian lunch. With the suggestion of my friend A to self cook the food instead of ordering from a restaurant....after a lot of discussion we stuck to this idea and so I had to do the grocery shopping and cook two of the dishes for the next day. By 7 in the evening leaving all the kitchen work to my very very helpful and loving friends and tamms I locked myself in the room for preparation coz by then I was dead tensed about the presentation. I started practicing the presentation slide by slide and the blood inside

 me was running in full speed that however hard I try I was swallowing the words and it took a while to calm down and concentrate and without having any time limit I practiced just the speech of my presentation. I also rehearsed my dress and checked if everything is fine. Had some dinner and went to bed. I couldn´t sleep that night. I closed my eyes and all the slides were revolving around in my mind. A small thought of the defense..what questions will be asked what if I cant answer kept me awake until I dont know and my eyes were wide open far ahead of the time I set the alarm to (deenne tension antaaremo appude telisindii...nannu nene nammalekapoyanu alarm mogina gantaki gaani legavanu kaani aa roju alarm moge ganta mundare melukuva vachesindi).

 Nanna also was awake in the next room by that time I suppose he was also concerned and felt the pressure of whats gonna happen to his daughter. Hmmmm

We got ready by 8 and arranging all the things to be 

carried to the department we hired a taxi by 9 and reached the department. I thought of doing one rehearsal of the presentation to check the

 duration of my speech. But before that I had to arrange all the cutlery, tables and basically everything needed for lunch in the corridor. With the help of my colleagues I managed to arrange the setting and A and tamms has arrived by then and took over the actual food arrangements. I then got time at 11 to practice the presentation so taking Alessia and Reinhard in to the seminar room I gave a talk which came for exactly 20 min. They suggested that I talk a bit slowly so that I can utilize the whole 25min, the actual time allowed.

One by one the examiners started coming, colleagues from the neighbouring department, indian students from the masters course, friends and co-workers from other working groups. Nearly 35 people have gathered quite unexpectedly. Seeing them my temperature fell down and my hands became chill cold. Meanwhile the most awaited moment for all except me has come. My supervisor Prof. Dr. Blohm gave a short introduction about the procedure of the defense and he also mentioned special welcome to nanna for coming all the way from India to be present on the occasion. I then stood up and started my presentation. I totally forgot what went on yesterday ot what happened today, all that I can see are my slides and a hall full of audiences (mostly very familiar faces). Dont know from where that energy has entered me...very unusually I spoke very slow and very clear and without any panicking...I couldnt believe myself....after the first two slides I calmed down totally and smoothly went through all the slides. It took 25 min to finish that and then the discussion started...first by the examination committee and then the audience. My second supervisor Prof. Heyser started with a very basic question and by answering it a little bit of confidence grew in me and slowly I could face all the questions that were asked. i dont know if the answer is right or not I was just saying out everything that came into my mind without any pause or hesitation. The last two questions asked by my postdoc were a bit tricky...I donot have much knowledge in phylogenetics and he asked something related...I was a bit disappointed by that but he asked me a second question and I had to think for a while to recollect the answer...but finally I gave him the right answer. Releaved was I that moment and totally wanted that the time is over for discussion. Luckily that turned out to be the last question  in the time frame and all of us except the examination committee were sent out of the hall. While coming out I passed by my Prof and he slwoly whispered in my ear "very good" (appudokaa ayomayam expression nenu...anandam bhayam kalisi)

Appudu start ayindi asalayina tension...dhak dhak dhaaad dhaad ani gunde kottukotam I came back to this world and started recollecting the answers I gave in the discussion. I felt terrible not knowing if I had conviced the jury or made any horrible mistakes. Everyone standing with me were just busy chatting and my ears were deaf for all that conversation. I couldn't stand anywhere otherthan the hall door and I waited for 15min over there my BP raising every second. My supervisor came out and just asked me to come in. I entered the room and all the other jury had very serious looks.....my BP fell down at once and then Prof started speaking saying that they had to make decisions on two points. One if they have to declare me as Doctor or not...I was pale and ready to faint.....he continued....we all agreed on yes (gunde pattesukuni hamma anukunna) and the second point is that what grade we have to give you.....I was dead by then as its very critical situation in my case.....(I got magna cum laude"very good" and cum laude "good" for my written thesis. So to make an average with the grade of the defense would be critical....a single mark from my defense can put me in good or very good).....Probably prof saw my condition of about to fall on the ground he held my hands and said we decided on Magna cum laude.......I felt dizzy and could nt bear that happiness.....

my prof held my hand very tight so that I donot fall down and everyone else started laughing by then and slowly started hugging me and congratulating one by one... Prof Annette Becker very sweetly said in my ears "you were very good" my happiness had no boundaries....tears rolled down and I was in air.....we came out and Prof announced it loud to the audience....nannaaa couldnt help the tears coming from his eyes too and one by one all of them congratulated and then I was given my PhD hat by my colleagues....lunch followed :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Yeh din kyaa aaye

Lage phool hasne dekho basanti basanti

hone lage mere sapne :):):):)