Hiiiiiiiiiiiii again....

After loooooong loooooong time as usual :):):) ya writing something then taking a break and again coming back has become regular with me now. Everytime I do this I feel hmmmmmm thats it I can never manage to write regularly...why should I even have a blog...I should delete it. But again I do not have heart to really delete it. I had started it with such a passion and because I am unable to continue hmmmm I feel very sick about myself. What to do I am like that only :):):) (tammus dialogue). Din´t seriously think when I was putting up the picture and caption of waning and waxing of moon on my page. But it is turning to be true in my life...... seriously my life is taking waning and waxing phases. OK had already given a lot of reasoning... will stop now......What ever it may be and after how ever long it may be coming to this page and writing here is simply superb and awesome as it always brings a lot of relief, peace and calm to both heart and mind. :):):)..... soooo very very happy to come back :):):).... unable to sleep today I suddenly felt a drive to write :):):) Sooooo here is my falshback until now.....Rings turning turning and turning back to 6 months.

After coming back to India for good some where in september last year.....relaxed and digested the complete return back for about 3 weeks...... life was stand still and lazing around at home got boring and I very much wanted to get in to a job that can keep both my mind and soul bijjeee....one fine day sat to work on my resume and posted it in Naukri and Monster....those are the only sites that I knew. After a month of browsing for various institutes and industries, sending applications and ho ho totally forgot also attended a seminar to give a guest presentation where I got to understand more about the biotech industry scenario in India. It had been 6 years I was out of the country and totally lost touch with the science proceedings in India. (manam asale ekkada vesina gongali akkade type :):)) what to do... had some very frustrated days where I thought to go back .... had some very happy days where I felt content that I have come back and made a right decision in doing so. :) Among all these diverse days with mixed thoughts and emotions I received a call for interview from a biotech company in Gurgaon. After a series of telephone interviews for a week I finally got selected. I was surprised that they chose me without conducting a personal interview. Hmmm strange but the company, my job profile were interesting enough...and my need to be engaged in some work made me accept the offer letter though the location is quite far away from home. 

Days suddenly became very busy with all the preparations for the move....there was very less time for joining and many things to be done before that......the rush at home was no lesser than my move to germany except that the luggage packed had no limit. Amma came along with me  to accompany me until I get settled. Thats the comfort of staying in India isn´t it...how ever far it may be within India we have our parents always with us, supporting and taking care.  Even though the train journey was too long it dint seem so as I was travelling in India after long time and enjoyed each and every hour of it. Adjusting the luggage under the seats, talking to total strange fellow travellers and exchange information mostly about the stations and the train timings. Reading the magazine bought on the platform (it has its own special effect), looking at the people continuously walking through the comparments, donot know for what reason...looking through the window at the changing landscapes.....small stations passing by.....sharing snacks with the fellow travellers, eating home packed food....drinking but complaining about the quality of tea and coffee sold in the train......looking at the card game played by people in the opposite seat..... listening to music of various languages (thanks to the modern mobile phones....everyone want to play their music loud).....the the train stops in a station....looking through what station it was and the people getting down and new people getting in.....platform  foods special for that place sold extensively and some of the travellers getting in with those foods...total rush hotch potch.....train again starts towards its destination with intensified rattling......and with the moon travelling along through the window and the train´s movement swinging you in to deep sleep.....its been ages that I had experienced that (the real essence of India) and every moment of it was delightful and made me happy that I am home among my own people...I am BACCKKK!!!!

Its my first time travelling to Delhi...so had fun looking at all the passing by new places (we crossed Agra too but couldn´t see the Tajmahal from the train) and after 24 hours from the start reached the capital city. Managed to bring out all the luggage and got into the cab, headed towards Gurgaon. Took about 45 mins after a little bit of enquiry found the hotel and finally there I was in Gurgaon on the 14th of December to start a new work in a totally new place. :):):):) Until the next post in a very haryanavi ishtyle RAM RAM.....

Yeh jo des Hai tera

Swades hai tera

tujhe hai pukara

yeh woh bandhan hai

jo kabhi toot nahin sakta

 

TERROR!!! TERROR!!! TERROR!!!

Coming back here after long long time.....I have long reasons and long stories which I definetely like to share and will do that very soon. Today I could not be silent as the attack on Mumbai is just tooo terrible to digest.

Heard a lot of news in past when I was still in Germany about such attacks in Mumbai, Delhi and Hyderabad. But somehow by the time I knew about the news I get to hear that everything got calmed down and people started normal life again. I used to feel worried about the situation until I read the whole news, may be I discuss this with a couple of indian friends and together we feel bad for the people effected and express anger at the extremists responsible and also at the administration who is unable to control such things. In the next moment I get involved in my work and forget all about it until a colleague asks me did you hear about the situation in your country? is it near to your place? is your family safe?...I used to say ya thats so sad, I do not know why this is happening to India and all the people are so much effected and ya thankfully this happened quite far away from my place and my family is safe.

Hmmm but today I am in India and I have been watching the live telecast of the situation in more than 10 channels since yesterday night. For almost 22 hours now none of us at home neither switched the TV off nor changed the channel to some other entertainment program. I saw the guns firing, flames rising high from different parts of Taj hotel at different times, fire brigades trying to stop the fire, occasional hazy view of some persons from the hotel windows, desperately written SAVE US on the hotel window by some one struck inside, washing of the blood stains from the floors of the railway station, a civilian running with blood shed hand as a bullet hit his fingers, reporters continuously trying to obtain any piece of information from the site and cameras not to miss even a minute movement in the whole picture and analysts sitting in the studios working for the whole day trying to discuss all possibilities of the situation, the pictures of the intruders clearly shown, hardly 25 years old with long guns, smart looking and casually dressed and guys who seem to have all right to enjoy and have a beautiful and happy life, police working continuously, military called in carrying on rescue operations to save atleast few and know how many are struck inside and know why all this is done, one of the rescued women newly married crying loud to death.........

Its been 22 hours since the first shot was fired and still the situation is not controlled, 9 policemen died, more than 100 civilians died and around 300 injured, 5 of the terrorists are killed, fire is destroying Taj hotel step by step, do not know the number of hostages stuck inside the hotel, do not know how many are pointing guns at them. God the whole coverage is bringing shivers in me, so well planned attack, a direct one, guns madly firing at public on roads, armed men casually walked into the city to create this havoc and no one could recognise them. What should be done to control this? The violent side in me says why the hell are these military and police taking so much time to go inside and finish all the militants and in a flash bring all the people outside. The calm side says that there are lives of donot know how many people struck inside and any hurried step by the police will keep their lives in risk. So unable to do anything.... I am just a spectator.....I am just a TV watcher sitting worried and disturbed. Hmmm I cannot do anything except to speculate different scenarios depending on the news obtained.

And silently pray for the people and police who gave their lives. May their souls rest in peace and pride on service to the nation.

How and when will all this come to an end?. When will those extremists understand the meaning of happiness and this is not the right way to obtain it. How those young guys have such stone hearts to fire guns at people. I so much wish that by some means if one can reach the hearts of all these people and make them understand the simple truth that "THE BUSINESS OF LIVING IS THE HAPPINESS OF BEING ALIVE". Who will tell them? Only a miracle can do that...I sincerely pray to God that One fine morning all the extremists should wakeup with a happy and lovely heart to see the beauty in life and enjoy the feeling of global brotherhood. May peace be in this world.

Ae jindgi gale laga le Ae jindgi gale laga le Hum ne bhi tere har ik gam ko gale se lagaya hai Hai na ? Ae jindgi gale laga le Ae jindgi

My Hat

Considering both the work and personal interests of the candidate PhD hats are very specially designed and prepared by the colleagues a few days before the defense. Here are the contents of my hat :):):)

Inspired by the olympic season that was going on, experiments on the comparison of few techniques  were given olympic places :):) placed onthe upper side.

The models of two islands in Europe I visited for my study are present on either sides.

The right one is Helgoland in the North Sea where I collected the samples and the left one is Crete in Greece where I did taxonomy of the samples. 

In between both the islands is seen the photo of ship "Heincke" on which I cruised for one week for the collection of samples.

Then is the glass slide with three arrays attached...the actual 

microarray (DNA chip) I developed duirng this work.

The is the big fish with its stomach open....indicates analyses of the gut content of fish.

Small fish, molluscs, crabs, shells present here and there indicate the invertebrate organisms I worked on.

The cups and the pipettes indicate molecular biological work.

A big chicken is seen on the rear end as its my most favourite dish.

Coffee beans are spread all over as its my most favourite drink.

The bottom of the hat consisted photo memories of Bremen with the City centre-Dom place, statue of Bremen musicians, statue of Roland, Science museum-Universum, Space centre pencil tower in the university and the pictures of microarrays all around.

The most surprising part which I least expected is.......................can you believe that my colleagues upon suggestion by tamms pasted a photo of Mahesh babu on the inner side of my hat :D:D:D incredible isn't it....I was shocked when I saw this and the happiness was boundaryless. The love showed in making this hat totally touched me and I want to thank Rijuta, miss x, Reinhard, Frank and tamms for making such a lovely hat and taking all pains to collect the things.

The "D" day

ugust 13th a unforgettable day in my life. Its a day when my dream of 12 years, my aim of coming to Germany and my agonies in Germany for 6 years what not each and every minute of life that I spent here was fulfilled, has been worthy and left me satisfied to have invested this time. It has been the most unexpected, most surprising, highly tensed (naralu tegipoyentha), highly relaxing (gallo telipotunnantha) and the most happiest day....actually its not a day its just one and half hours. Ya one and half hours on august 13th (12´noon to 1´30 pm) has effected me in many ways. I was shaking with fear, I was panicking, I was thirsty, I was sweating, I was b

lank in mind, earth under my legs was falling apart, I was stubborn, I was fragile to breakdown any moment what not it was a mixture of every single emotion a human being can experience :):):):):).

Do not think that its too much of exaggeration I am saying the truth. I actually dont have words to describe most of the feelings (adedoo cinemalo raka rakaluga undi annattuuu...not in a comical sense though).

Ya the day before my defense was very hectic in its own way with the preparations. We have a tradition here in the department to arrange some snacks if the defense is after noon or lunch if it is before noon. And as my defense is at 12 and because this will be the last chance to meet all my friends and let them taste some indian food and more over nanna is here and he would feel good sharing our food with my colleagues I thought of arranging Indian lunch. With the suggestion of my friend A to self cook the food instead of ordering from a restaurant....after a lot of discussion we stuck to this idea and so I had to do the grocery shopping and cook two of the dishes for the next day. By 7 in the evening leaving all the kitchen work to my very very helpful and loving friends and tamms I locked myself in the room for preparation coz by then I was dead tensed about the presentation. I started practicing the presentation slide by slide and the blood inside

 me was running in full speed that however hard I try I was swallowing the words and it took a while to calm down and concentrate and without having any time limit I practiced just the speech of my presentation. I also rehearsed my dress and checked if everything is fine. Had some dinner and went to bed. I couldn´t sleep that night. I closed my eyes and all the slides were revolving around in my mind. A small thought of the defense..what questions will be asked what if I cant answer kept me awake until I dont know and my eyes were wide open far ahead of the time I set the alarm to (deenne tension antaaremo appude telisindii...nannu nene nammalekapoyanu alarm mogina gantaki gaani legavanu kaani aa roju alarm moge ganta mundare melukuva vachesindi).

 Nanna also was awake in the next room by that time I suppose he was also concerned and felt the pressure of whats gonna happen to his daughter. Hmmmm

We got ready by 8 and arranging all the things to be 

carried to the department we hired a taxi by 9 and reached the department. I thought of doing one rehearsal of the presentation to check the

 duration of my speech. But before that I had to arrange all the cutlery, tables and basically everything needed for lunch in the corridor. With the help of my colleagues I managed to arrange the setting and A and tamms has arrived by then and took over the actual food arrangements. I then got time at 11 to practice the presentation so taking Alessia and Reinhard in to the seminar room I gave a talk which came for exactly 20 min. They suggested that I talk a bit slowly so that I can utilize the whole 25min, the actual time allowed.

One by one the examiners started coming, colleagues from the neighbouring department, indian students from the masters course, friends and co-workers from other working groups. Nearly 35 people have gathered quite unexpectedly. Seeing them my temperature fell down and my hands became chill cold. Meanwhile the most awaited moment for all except me has come. My supervisor Prof. Dr. Blohm gave a short introduction about the procedure of the defense and he also mentioned special welcome to nanna for coming all the way from India to be present on the occasion. I then stood up and started my presentation. I totally forgot what went on yesterday ot what happened today, all that I can see are my slides and a hall full of audiences (mostly very familiar faces). Dont know from where that energy has entered me...very unusually I spoke very slow and very clear and without any panicking...I couldnt believe myself....after the first two slides I calmed down totally and smoothly went through all the slides. It took 25 min to finish that and then the discussion started...first by the examination committee and then the audience. My second supervisor Prof. Heyser started with a very basic question and by answering it a little bit of confidence grew in me and slowly I could face all the questions that were asked. i dont know if the answer is right or not I was just saying out everything that came into my mind without any pause or hesitation. The last two questions asked by my postdoc were a bit tricky...I donot have much knowledge in phylogenetics and he asked something related...I was a bit disappointed by that but he asked me a second question and I had to think for a while to recollect the answer...but finally I gave him the right answer. Releaved was I that moment and totally wanted that the time is over for discussion. Luckily that turned out to be the last question  in the time frame and all of us except the examination committee were sent out of the hall. While coming out I passed by my Prof and he slwoly whispered in my ear "very good" (appudokaa ayomayam expression nenu...anandam bhayam kalisi)

Appudu start ayindi asalayina tension...dhak dhak dhaaad dhaad ani gunde kottukotam I came back to this world and started recollecting the answers I gave in the discussion. I felt terrible not knowing if I had conviced the jury or made any horrible mistakes. Everyone standing with me were just busy chatting and my ears were deaf for all that conversation. I couldn't stand anywhere otherthan the hall door and I waited for 15min over there my BP raising every second. My supervisor came out and just asked me to come in. I entered the room and all the other jury had very serious looks.....my BP fell down at once and then Prof started speaking saying that they had to make decisions on two points. One if they have to declare me as Doctor or not...I was pale and ready to faint.....he continued....we all agreed on yes (gunde pattesukuni hamma anukunna) and the second point is that what grade we have to give you.....I was dead by then as its very critical situation in my case.....(I got magna cum laude"very good" and cum laude "good" for my written thesis. So to make an average with the grade of the defense would be critical....a single mark from my defense can put me in good or very good).....Probably prof saw my condition of about to fall on the ground he held my hands and said we decided on Magna cum laude.......I felt dizzy and could nt bear that happiness.....

my prof held my hand very tight so that I donot fall down and everyone else started laughing by then and slowly started hugging me and congratulating one by one... Prof Annette Becker very sweetly said in my ears "you were very good" my happiness had no boundaries....tears rolled down and I was in air.....we came out and Prof announced it loud to the audience....nannaaa couldnt help the tears coming from his eyes too and one by one all of them congratulated and then I was given my PhD hat by my colleagues....lunch followed :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Yeh din kyaa aaye

Lage phool hasne dekho basanti basanti

hone lage mere sapne :):):):)

Baaaaaacccccckkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been really really loooooooooooooong hibernation. I am sure many might have thought that I won´t come back. Hmmmmm even I wasn´t sure that I will ever finish my thesis and will sit relaxedly again to write my musings. But finally I finished everything...not everything though ok 70% of the task and there is a big break now to complete the rest 30%. Ya I submitted my thesis :D:D:D:D YES YES YES unbelievable is n´t it. At least for me it is still like a dream even though its been 10 days. Ok I submitted my thesis my great grandh my big book what all I used to call it my PhD write up etc etc on the 10th of this month which by itself is an unforgettable day in many ways. This values 70% in my final evaluation and the rest 30% will be covered by the final defense or the final presentation which is gonna be on the 13th of August, the D Day.

Till then there is this big gap to come to this world again and look at the happenings around. Ya I was a bit late to come to this place coz many many things are happening in life these days. Actually there are so many stories to share here that I am totally confused what to put first and what next.

OK first let me start with saying thanks to all my friends here personally and to each one individually. THANK YOU sooooo much gals and guys for all the support, encouragement and wishes. It felt very nice and inspiring knowing that so many people are wishing me success and all your kind words boosted that extra energy in to me to walk forward and reach the edge.

Thank you thank you thank you soooo much Keerthi, Satish, NA, Sree and all others that posted comments on different posts of mine. I felt very very happy seeing all those. Thank you once again.

 The rest of the stories will follow this....the last days before submitting and the days after submission :):):):)

Hibernation.....

Hmmmm this is my 40th post....thats too fast...I expected to get to this hibernating point atleast after making half a century. Anyways gals and guys I suppose I have bored you enough sharing my ramblings of being a PhD student and these seem to be never ending for me right now. The thesis writing is getting on to my nerves and I am unable to think of anything else. I cant update this blog for a while from now even though I have so much to write.....my daily musings and many many stories....I miss reading my favourite blogs and writing comments too:(:(:(.....I just am unable to do it....I hope this will be understood and my very beloved visitors I promise to keep posting and start visiting others too once I come to a safe point in my thesis writing. Till then you have to bear this hibernation:):)....Thank you soo much...and please pray for me to survive this and come out of it very soon :):):)
Alvida!!!!

Contrast!!!!!

Its been a while I stepped into my blogsphere.....hmmmm.....been a bit occupied these days with mine and the students work.....I dropped in today as I had to share this and let out my agony somehow somewhere...

I came to the second most difficult part of my thesis...INTRODUCTION....god only knows how I am writing it...this is one part which I am not at all good at. Writing materials & methods I used in my work and the results I got... is very much easy as I know almost everything about my work...why I did the experiment..what happened in it..and what came out....how to interpret them. Though not easy as it sounds to keep it in words, I could write those parts uninterruptedly....somehow there was a continuous flow of ideas to put one after the other.....the order cameup involutarily

BUT....

now the Introduction....it should contain a combined compiled review of all the literature published in the field which in principle drove me to the aim of my thesis. The definition itself sounds very boring isn´t it :(..sadly it is the most important and unavoidable section...imagine my trauma in reading all those relevant papers (though I read a lot of them from the beginning of my work dated june 2005.....I had to read them again)....to check if they fit in to my story now.....and how to quote them, where and when along with the citations...baaaaap reyy it is hell lot of work.....the more papers you read the more crazy you go as all the different views keep dancing in your brain (alanti ilanti dance kaadu ekanga BREAK, ROCK, HIP HOP DANCE lu kalipi chestunnayi). This writing is taking a very very long time as getting a clear picture of the whole scenario you want to build towards your aim takes a while to figure out.....I hardly find words to fill up and completing a single sentence is taking ages......how am I gonna finish writing paragraphs and chapters...GAAWWDD...(antha gajibijeee gandara golanga undii)

When I make this complaint to my family or friends that I am facing difficulty finding words and building the topic.....they are just laughing at mee.....making fun of me that I write such long long really loooooong stories and posts in my blog and I am finding difficulty in filling my thesis....For a minute even I thought that was true....I try very hard to keep my posts short (many people already complained about my long posts)..... but the flow of thoughts is never ending here.....and its exactly the opposite with my thesis.....its difficult and I dont know how to write elaborately :(:(
I am very popular in my aquaintances about talking endlessly, writing big mails, big posts, narrating never ending stories (2 gantala cinemani 4 gantalu cheppagala ghanatha naake dakkutundi)....its an old habit, I cant keep anything short.....but whats happening with my thesis :(:(:( may be this is the difference between informal nonsensical writing and formal senseful scientific writing...I have to confide that I am no good at it...specially introduction part (I wish we have a scientific writer in the group as many of the institutes in the US do... specially for this purpose) Hats off to all those who can make scientific documents easily....(lab lo entha work ayina cheyyochu kaani raayatam baboooi chala kashtam)

See I could fill up all the above 1000s of words in hardly 15min....to write the same amount of introduction will take ages...hmmmm

Have been listening to the songs of Naram Garam and here are some nice lyrics...

"badi aarazu thi ke vo din bhi aaye
tere naam se ham kud ko bulaaye
tere naam se do jahaan mil gae hain
hamein raaston ki ...

hamein raaston ki zaroorath nahi hai"